Sob Sob got blur vision :-(

Haiz... must be very suai... last wk start to notice having slight blur vision... Finally it got worst enough to warrant a visit to my GP. Well, he suggest that I go check my eyesight, after checking my eyesight, den the optho found that I got white spots covering my left eye which causes the blurness in vision... sob sob sob :-( got to avoid contacts for the wk and c if the condition improves... else definitely need to c specialist...

Oh how come i so suai... haiz... anyway, at least i decided not to study liao... hahaha so 1 less thing to worry. Hope that I may be able to land myself the job of interest ba :-D hahah but who knows, I may continue to stay on??? umm most prob i won't... hahaha let's c wat the universe throw at me ba:-D

I want that job very much ah... ... ...

Haiz... been looking through various websites for work opportunities... ... ...

The one that I am still most interested and wanted is THAT ONE!!! Will I be able to get selected to go for the interview??? Am I good enough??? So many things fly through my mind... And I am afraid that I may end up being so fedup that I simply throw my resignation letter before I get my next job...

Hahaha but I am one that likes to surprise ppl so who knows what what my decision will be... umm... having back and right shoulder ache... hahaha found myself another reason to leave lab environment... Arthritis due to work related usage ;-)

I must be getting tired else y am I writing these kind of funny things??? Hahaha most probably will be giving you guys who read my stuff an update soon... The status of my resignation letter :-D

Oh no I made a bludder... ... ...

Sob sob... Now den I reaslized I attached the wrong resume for one of my emails... ... ... Haiz... though not entirely wrong but some information that the person requested was not in... ... ... N I forgot to copy the sent messages and I have no concrete way to trace if I indeed send in the "wrong" resume... ... ...

Any advice in making enquiries??? Haiz... It is a position that I quite like... Hmph looks like I blew my own chance... ... ... After a some days of break, I felt more relaxed, though worried hahaha... Guess I jux have to take it in stride no matter what happens next... ... ... Though I like to leave sooner than later but I supposed planning is required;-) thinking of saving up for a trip and perhaps enough me to shake my leg for a few months den a new job hahaha...

But it definitely felt better after the decision to not study hahaha... Perhaps it really is not the time yet hahaha... ... ... Umm and I wonder is leaving correct??? Haiz but I truly want to dump my resignation letter to my boss next Mon ah;-) Maybe I should start typing my resignation letter and put it in order first... so I can dump it anytime I want hahaha:-D

oki get to work now;-P hope to have good news soon... ... ...

Tired of my job... ... ...

Haiz though majority of my frenz encouraged me to stay in my current job but I really feel very tired... ... ...

Perhaps my insistence on the meaning of the job is the reason that pushed me away from my current position... Haiz work has not been going smoothly and most of the time, I am actually very free with not much of things to work on... Plus a boss who over tasked till everything becomes a mess, it juz adds up to QUIT hahaha:-D

Umm, sometimes I feel that some people love $$$ more than the meaning of what they are doing... And to think that what you do can kill a person or cause a person to lose precious time or lost their reputation, I tink the priority is obvious.

But who knows if I will change my mind;-) anyway, at the current stage, I am more incline to go for a combination of both lab and admin work... At the same time, seriously considering to go for my degree... But who knows, what I may do... ... ...

Umm... hahahaha... Perhaps He is the only one who can help me out, but somehow, I am afraid that I may choose not to Hear His Voice... ... ...

Hungry hungry hungry... ... ... go n mom mom den read book den zzz ba:-D "ming tian hui gen hao!!!"

Lost and Found by The Great One... Thank You

Hahaha finally my down down mood is clearing up:-D !!!

Too mant things had been going thru my mind recently and I became lost in a labyrith of things that I created myself... Thanks to Him, I manage to clear up my head and lift my spirits;-)

Now at least I know that i am going thru rough period not without any reason nor any help... N the most impt thing is that... ... My greatest source of help is from HIM!!! Thanks for sending friends to remind me of things that i forgotten... they helped to root me down while You set to work... Thanks again...

Though i amy not know the challenges ahead and not sure of wat mistakes i am going to make but i do noe 1 thing for sure n tat is... ... ... You will be there with me through out all these difficulties. With You, nothing is impossible and thanks for sending me wonderful frenz who are more than willing to listen to my emotional trash and lending me support for probs faced... And i do suspect that they are the angels You sent to give me Your Words and Guidance... Thank you...

Oh and of course thanks for Your blessings for Thomas who found his dream job... N bringing Nana and me together for manicure hahaha.... N giving Your blessings to Florence who is working hard on her dissertation n very willing to chit chat wif me while hard at work hahaha...

Just like to say a big Thank you to You... :-D

Decision made for 1 but another looming at the top...

Umm finally after mulling over it for 3 weeks, I have decided to make some sacrifices and hope for the best, pray that this is the right decision... well going back to school and doing it part time is a real big thing... oh pray that He heard me up there and that this decision is the right one...

Initially, I was wondering if I should go for school den after that wondering if I should take up sponsorship by company den now wondering if I should REALLY GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!! Haiz... my brain is really short-circuiting... But finally, I seem to looking at Him again with trust and willingness instead of wondering and at conflict with myself...

Though there is finally determination to go through the path of studying but yet I am not sure if He is truly supportive... I am kind of lost as in what kind of route He wants me to take... It had been too long since I last "spoken" to Him and listen to His voice with such concentration, though He was always "talking" to me but I was always paying little or no attention... Haiz... Luckily it is never too late to turn back:-D, thank you for Your guidance and help... Pray that this time, this is the path You like me to take...

Well, glad that 1 decision had been made but as the title implies, another one is looming over my head... umm... Emptiness is growing in me, and I felt so sad... to think that 1 year ago, I was praying so hard and the joy of it when I finally landed this job... But now, I felt that I am too free and under achieving in this job... Perhaps I am not aligning myself to the meaning of this job very well... The situation of knowing it, understanding it but not feeling it... Sympathy and empathy may hinder in some situations, but for my current and previous job, I felt that it is very much needed...

To think that when the priority of both is to provide results to save people and the other is to provide results for closure, they had been reduced to simple $$$ and TAT... I felt myself went cold when I heard one of my colleagues mentioned that "this way, we can charge more money" and not understanding the meaning of the result achieved!!!! Suddenly, the thought of leaving became so intense that I felt like leaving that very moment!

But of coz I didn't do it hahaha:-D but this thought was in my mind till this very moment as I "pen" my thoughts... umm... I guess striking a balance between both is tough... but I wonder how long can I cont'd to work in this kind of environment... ... ... so depressing... ... especially with some colleagues that we mutually agree that we don enjoy each other's company...

Well, I guess I better have a good rest... else I will be too lazy to wake up tommorow to do my stuff... Yawnz... Oh yeah, whoever that reads this, thanks for picking up my emotional trash... N let me noe if you have good deals for laptops that are small, light weight and priced competitively;-D

Lost friend

Haiz... last entry I was looking for a friend whom I lost because of my inconsideration... For the past 2 weeks I think of this friend I felt that I lost...

Though it is quite sad that only less than 1 mth ago, we were thinking back how far back n how long our friendship is, now I felt that this friendship is not what it use to be... Guess there are certain things in our lives that change us slowly... One changes without even realising it n too unwilling to see the changes even if it is slapped right in your face...

Well I guess I just have to walked through this period slowly and gradually get use to this change as well... Too many changes, too many diversions, different ways we go... Sad perhaps, but what is the point in dwelling on a relationship which had changed too much that it no longer taste right???

Luckily I do not care much for somethings and though I know that my good will is being exploited but I shall not look back 'cos it just hurts too much... Perhaps we may meet again but it will never be the same... too many things had gone between us during this period of time n perhaps we are both to blame 'cos we didn bother but just let it rot...