Decision made for 1 but another looming at the top...

Umm finally after mulling over it for 3 weeks, I have decided to make some sacrifices and hope for the best, pray that this is the right decision... well going back to school and doing it part time is a real big thing... oh pray that He heard me up there and that this decision is the right one...

Initially, I was wondering if I should go for school den after that wondering if I should take up sponsorship by company den now wondering if I should REALLY GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!! Haiz... my brain is really short-circuiting... But finally, I seem to looking at Him again with trust and willingness instead of wondering and at conflict with myself...

Though there is finally determination to go through the path of studying but yet I am not sure if He is truly supportive... I am kind of lost as in what kind of route He wants me to take... It had been too long since I last "spoken" to Him and listen to His voice with such concentration, though He was always "talking" to me but I was always paying little or no attention... Haiz... Luckily it is never too late to turn back:-D, thank you for Your guidance and help... Pray that this time, this is the path You like me to take...

Well, glad that 1 decision had been made but as the title implies, another one is looming over my head... umm... Emptiness is growing in me, and I felt so sad... to think that 1 year ago, I was praying so hard and the joy of it when I finally landed this job... But now, I felt that I am too free and under achieving in this job... Perhaps I am not aligning myself to the meaning of this job very well... The situation of knowing it, understanding it but not feeling it... Sympathy and empathy may hinder in some situations, but for my current and previous job, I felt that it is very much needed...

To think that when the priority of both is to provide results to save people and the other is to provide results for closure, they had been reduced to simple $$$ and TAT... I felt myself went cold when I heard one of my colleagues mentioned that "this way, we can charge more money" and not understanding the meaning of the result achieved!!!! Suddenly, the thought of leaving became so intense that I felt like leaving that very moment!

But of coz I didn't do it hahaha:-D but this thought was in my mind till this very moment as I "pen" my thoughts... umm... I guess striking a balance between both is tough... but I wonder how long can I cont'd to work in this kind of environment... ... ... so depressing... ... especially with some colleagues that we mutually agree that we don enjoy each other's company...

Well, I guess I better have a good rest... else I will be too lazy to wake up tommorow to do my stuff... Yawnz... Oh yeah, whoever that reads this, thanks for picking up my emotional trash... N let me noe if you have good deals for laptops that are small, light weight and priced competitively;-D