Tired but enlighten...

Yawnz... Hmm... Not having enough zzz recently... But so far so good, at least I am stil awake... Juz that it is another saltish day... Tired...

Finally understood why I feel like as though I am running away from something when I tink of leaving... Guessed I am afraid of getting use to things... Perhaps acquiring a habit frightens me...

Meaning of the job is another reason... I guess no other job can give me the satisfaction of knowing that you are making a difference to someone's life... Knowing that your amount and accuracy of knowledge is going to play a crucial part in determining life and death... But what accompany these are pressure and tiredness... The pressure of knowing that you can become a murderer because of carelessness... The tiredness of having to be constantly on your toes to prevent as many mistakes as possible, though we all learn from our mistakes and it is part and parcel of work...

There is a part of me which understands, that, that is what I like... But perhaps that is not I want... Or perhaps I am too tired to be bother with the meaning of the job... I guess I am starting to believe that leaving to gain other experience may do more good... Or perhaps after 1.5 yrs, I am still not able to fully align myself to provide closure... In my heart, I feel tat the lost, the hurt is already there... A closure helps but it is not something that can be mesured and gauged... So somehow I am lost... As the picture gets clearer, I think some form of peace and calm will reach me soon ;-)

Umm though got some good news but the fringes that comes with it makes it sound like bad news hahaha... Those who know will understand what I mean when I write this ;-D

Oki... If I am free later, will provide more updates and if I am even more saltish, may start to prep soap opera...